Only A Distant Admirer
by obsidian
Summary: Draco's thoughts... A short h/d fic. R/R.


Disclaimer:  
I do not own Harry Potter and company. They belong to J.K. Rowling  
  
Note:  
This fic is in Draco's POV. Harry Potter and Company is now in their 6th year at Hogwarts. This is a Harry/Draco fic. If you don't like "slash" fics then go and leave silently. Reviews are welcome but flames aren't. I already know I'm a bad writer; you don't have to tell me again. No plagiarism please. (Even though I know I suck at writing.) If you want to copy something please ask me first. (obsidian_78@yahoo.com) Sorry about the grammatical and spelling errors. Thank You. Enjoy.  
  
Only A Distant Admirer  
A Fan fiction By: Obsidian  
  
Draco's POV  
  
It's Valentine's Day again. The day all lovers and couples are everywhere. The same people I have envied for the longest period of time. I hate and at the same time envy their happiness. Their life's so perfect; I don't think they've ever experienced pain, unlike me, who is the personification of pain. They already think I'm the embodiment of all that is bad and evil.  
  
I've suffered a lot it's just that people don't notice. I'm a very good actor. I can hide everything that I feel inside. And I kept it well. I kept it so deep, where nobody found it, not even my father. I'm used to it now, after all I don't have anyone who I can talk to. I don't care; no one will understand me anyway. Not everybody's open-minded and understanding. Stop. Don't tell me I have to talk to someone about my feelings or I'll one day blow up and it won't be a pretty sight because that won't happen. I've been alone all my life. I'm used to it now. I've been burned, cursed, humiliated, you name it I've been through it. But you know what, I never thought I'd feel something more painful than all I've been through in the past combined... What I'm feeling right now is far more painful... it's like a knife that has stabbed me over and over again. It's like being burned but more painful... Do you know what it is? It's falling in love with someone you can never have. Falling in love with the person who thinks you're a total git. Falling in love the person you can't have so all you can ever do is watch him from a far. Just watch and dream.  
  
I know I've been denying it for the past, what how many years 4? 5? But I can't keep on fighting my feelings for him. Yes, you heard me correctly It's a guy. I am in love with a guy.  
  
Do you know how hard it is to pretend every single day that you hate the person you'd die for? Do you know how much pain and suffering that act can cause a person? Well, I do. I know how it feels. It's like Hell here on Earth. It's like dying but worse, because you know who you're hurting. Because you know you're the one who's causing the person you love pain. The only solitary being on this earth that makes you feel complete and alive.   
  
I watched you from a great distance. Grabbing all the chances that came my way. I really wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know there was someone who loves you for who you are and not because you're The Boy Who Lived. I wanted so much to be your friend, your lover, and everything in your life.  
  
Pain. I often feel it. I feel it when I watch you from a far because I know that's the closest I'll ever get to you. That this was the only way I could get to know you. If you look at it in my point of view you'll know that I don't only feel pain when I watch you, I also feel happiness. Weird isn't it? Well that's life.   
  
I dream a lot. Usually it's all nightmares but when I do have good dreams, I dream about you. You're in mind all the time. 24/7 actually. The dreams I have that are good are few and all of them have one thing in common. And that one thing in common is that you feel the same way I do. And that you care about me with all your heart. Impossible right?  
  
I see you in class and I'm thankful for that. I see you in the corridors laughing and smiling with your friends that sometimes I envy you. You have friends who are always there for you through thick and thin and what did I get? Dolts. I got dolts. They're not even my anything close to a friend they're just there to protect me, like they're my bodyguards.  
  
I love your eyes. The have the most beautiful shade of green that I've ever seen. They twinkle like the stars at night. They glisten like emeralds.  
  
I know I'll never get to say what I feel for you. I know you'll never know. But I'm playing it safe and keeping a distance. I'm content right now. Watching you from a far. Not telling you how I feel. Scared of how you'd react. Scared of being rejected. I know this is for the best but at least I get to see you. Although I know I'll only be a distant admirer, nothing more than that but at least I can hope and dream that someday Harry, you'd give up forever to touch me... Happy Valentine's Day my love... 


End file.
